Celestial Combustion
by faded harmony
Summary: Zeus blamed the stupid mortal scientists. If it wasn't for them renaming planets and demoting gods, his job would be a breeze. But no, nothing can be that easy. Guess it's good to be king. My raging over Pluto being a planet and taking Science homework to the next level. ONESHOT.


**i just love science**

**its so fun**

**and crap but you know this idea got me thinking**

**how Pluto reacted**

**and its actually cool how the romans had all these names**

**and then we named the planets after them**

**hehehehehehe**

**if those scientists decide NOW AFTER LIKE A WHOLE FREAKING LONG TIME THIS IS THE REAL THING**

**LIKE**

**WHAT**

**THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN THEY MANDATED THAT PIZZA WAS A VEGETABLE IN NEW YORK**

**LIKE**

**WHAT THE HECKKK**

**anyways ENJOY RICK OWNS DUH BUT I GUESS THESE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY BELONG TO GREEK/ROMAN MYTHS**

**BUT ILL JUST PUT RICK DOWN**

**BECAUSE THAT IS EASIER**

**OKAY BYEEEEE ENJOYOYOYOYOYOYD::DD:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D**

Zeus blamed the stupid scientist mortals.

Being the immortal god of the sky and all he saw around him (or at least as far as he could get to the edge of the United States), he was always being asked to fix problems. "Zeus, Artemis is in love with a man." "Zeus, Poseidon won't let my ship sail out of the dock. "Zeus, which of us is prettier?" "Oh Lord Zeus, the Greeks have burned Troy to the ground." "Zeus, let Odysseus return home." "Your highness, my pants are on fire."

Etc. Etc. Etc. Whether it was the wars, or disagreements in the council, or schizophrenia happening between the Roman and Greek sides, he was always the leader and what he said went. Well, most of the time.

A few of the exceptions were when upstart demigods- RUMBLE - PERCY JACKSON - RUMBLE - thought they knew better than his immortal family and scolded them for their wrongs. Sure, they had been wrong, but being told by a mortal...it wasn't respectful to the Gods. It was a total diss. Apollo thought he had created a phenomenon by creating the word "Dis-respectful." Genius.

Today was an exception to Zeus' unspoken "what I say goes" policy. Having shut down Olympus, the Gods tended to wander in their confined spaces and get bored. It was all because Hades decided to Google his roman counterpart- Pluto. Why the god of the dead would be googling himself, would remain a mystery.

Perhaps he had gotten tired of writing _"qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmnb vcxzlkjhgfdsapoiuytrewqazwsx edcrvtgbyhnujmikolp"_and scraping his fingers across the keyboard for too many hours, or a pop-up add asking for his name to see if anyone had Searched his godly self recently. Either way, Hades hadn't liked his search results.

"Wikipedia..." Hades murmured and scrolled down the search results. Athena was sculpting something with 3D programming that looked suspiciously like a giant statue of herself. "Pluto..."

Tapping the mousepad, he leaned into the screen and frowned. Zeus was stroking his beard in a rather gruff way, trying to look occupied when in reality he was as bored as listening to Apollo reciting horrible Haikus and poetry around the holidays. Or Hera lecturing over purity rings for demigods and Demeter offering cereal. Dreadfully and immortally boring.

Hades scrolled down the article, and was surprised to see some new updated info. August 4th, 2006, the article said. The planet formerly known as "Pluto" was renamed a dwarf planet because of it's miniscule size and apparent path around the sun. It is the second most massive dwarf planet besides-

"ZEUS!" Hades roared and tossed the laptop across the room, slamming Demeter in the face, who had been pestering Poseidon over the beneficial factors of wheat. Poseidon looked grateful at his brother, but Demeter looked positively livid.

"Yes, brother," Zeus responded in a tired I-really-don't-give-a-damn lazy answer. "What is it you are troubled-"

"How come my planet was demoted?" The god of the dead protested. "I am not a minor god!"

"Oh great," Athena sighed. "He found out those mortal scientists demoted his planet."

"Planets," Apollo scoffed. "What's so special about planets? I've got the Sun."

"Isn't that technically a planet?" Poseidon asked.

"Actually," Athena started. "The sun is-"

"Ah, yes," Zeus cut-off his daughter before she managed to cause them all to fade away from utter boredom. "Well, I'm sure you're uh, whatever it is, is still very important and-"

"They call it a dwarf planet!" Hades wailed. "I'm ruined!"

"No," Demeter said, still miffed the lord of the dead had nailed her in the head with a processing computer. "Only your Roman half is. Who cares- those Romans didn't like you very much anyways."

"I hate all demigods," Dionysus complained loudly from his grape-vine chair.

Zeus pressed his hands to his temples. "Hades, is it really necessary to have-"

"Yes!" Hades exclaimed, looking wild. "My planet should not be called short or insignificant in any sort of manner! Did that Percy Jackson teach any of you anything at all?"

The room went quiet at that name, and Hera skittered nervously. Poseidon glared at her angrily. Hades looked smug at the rising color in Zeus' face, because he was clenching the armrest of his armchair to the point it was about to fall off.

"Psh," Ares brought the conversation back. "Planets are just titles given to our Roman counterparts by the Romans. They don't actually mean anything."

"That," Athena said. "was almost an intelligent statement."

"I am intelligent!" Ares soured. "You're just jealous I have the planet of the _Marshans_, while you were stripped of everything in Rome."

Athena's nostrils flared, and she went silent. The god of war gloated in his victory for a few seconds before Demeter called out "Since we are talking about celestial planets, may I suggest some healthy bran cereal-"

"SHUT UP, DEMETER!" Dionysus finally exploded. "Any more comments about cereal, I will turn your plants into dolphins!"

"Preposterous!" Demeter cried. "You can not harm my babies!"

"MY POOR DWARF PLANET!" Hades wailed.  
Zeus sighed.

"I have the moon," Artemis pointed out. "That's a moon. It's not a planet either." Hades looked up at the goddess of the hunt doubtfully.

"Yeah," Aphrodite said. "The Romans only gave me a planet because I'm so beautiful. So they gave me the prettiest planet." She ruffled her hair good-naturedly.

"And just as air-filled," Athena muttered. "Pretty and as about as dense as a hydraulic power cable."

"I have the fastest planet," Hermes announced, apparently pleased with himself.  
"Kronos had a planet too," Apollo realized. "Wow...uh can I just say _'Not cool?'_"

"Jupiter has the biggest planet," Hades grumbled.

"It's as big as his head," Athena muttered in an undertone, maybe hoping her father wouldn't hear (Which he did anyways).  
"Or his conceited thoughts," Apollo agreed.

Zeus ignored their comments. (For now, anyways.) "It is not who has the biggest planet or who has the greatest-"

"_Jupiter Optimus Maximus_," Athena scowled.

"OH MY US!" Hermes peered down at his Iphone caducus. "THERE IS A PLANET CALLED URANUS!"

"Yes, yes there is," Athena agreed.

"URANUS!" Apollo exclaimed. "I feel a haiku about Uranus coming on."

"Your an- Wait- nevermind." Ares bellowed loudly and quickly backpedaled from his former statement to a miniscule mumble.

"Look on the bright side." Dionysus said. "Not all the gods have planets. I don't have one. Neither does Demeter, or Hestia or-"

"Or Athena." Ares gloated, earning _A History of Divine Culture_textbook right into his face.

"Yes yes," Zeus agreed heartily, hoping to end the conversation.

"I have a nice planet," Poseidon mused. "Blue. I guess that is fitting."

"It's also very cold and far away from the other planets." Athena scowled.

"None of our Greek counterparts have planets," Aphrodite whined. "I like the name Aphrodite better than Venus, but that's just me."

Apollo spread apart his arms. "Can't improve upon perfection. I'm both Roman _AND_Greek."

"Fabulous." Athena pressed her hands against her head wearily.

"It's okay Hades," Poseidon patted his brother on the shoulder. "Having a planet doesn't make you important. Besides, for about a century it was considered a planet from it's discovery." Zeus wondered if he had Binged- "Bing" searched? Doesn't sound as cool as Google- that somewhere. Poseidon, for whatever reason, didn't like Google. Maybe because Athena was full support of it. Aphrodite liked Yahoo! search the best, and etc it continued on from there.  
Hades grumbled but calmed down and leaned back into his throne, apparently over his last raging session.

"Those poor kids," Hermes sympathized. "Who were in kindergarten in 2006 who were taught Pluto is a planet and then told it wasn't in first grade."

"It's like saying a tomato is fruit or a vegetable," Apollo mused. "Or that pizza is a vegetable in New York State."

"Really?" Demeter asked, suddenly interested. "I must hear more of this astounding discovery!"

Hermes wrinkled his nose. "According to Wikipedia, Pluto has a planet called_ 'Charon.'_"

"NOOO!" Hades wailed. "Not only am I no longer a planet, but now that useless ,over-paid, italian suit-loving imbecile is forced to spin around me for all eternity! How could this get any worse!?"

"Also," Hermes continued. "Pluto is sometimes defined as another moon to Neptune."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hey, I'm not that bad!"

Zeus sighed. Apparently things could get a lot, lot worse. He wondered if this was his karma for closing Olympus, being forced to listen to these ravings twenty four hours a day.

Looking down over the city of New York, he wondered if he could bypass his own ruling and let everyone out for a half hour to relieve their twitchy atmosphere.

Hey, it was good to be King of the Gods.

**EN FIN **


End file.
